If I am to hit 50,000 words this month (and really the story should probably top out at 40,000 words) then I'm going to need to just write. But since I want to write a weird fiction tale in the vein of Lovecraft I need to pay attention to mood, tone, and atmosphere. Already I've had to eschew those things for the sake of getting the skeleton of the story down "on paper". This means, that as I suspected, I will need to edit the story (probably more than once) before I'm willing to let people read it, because the tone and atmosphere are really supposed to be important.

In the end, if starting a project is the hardest step then I'd say things started well. I was a little distracted trying to figure out the word count issue, and if the developers cannot fix it soon I'll have to spend time and effort switching my writing software. Hopefully I can cope until a patch is made available. Two thousand down; forty-eight more to go!

I have already been encouraged to join a critique group, and I will keep that in mind, keeping my ears open for any mention of a local group. I think I would grow and develop as a writer meeting with others, pointing out the excellent work, and politely marking the sections needing work. I liked the moral support of the group, knowing there were others out there struggling with me. I liked knowing I was not alone and that any pain I was suffering they would be able to identify with it. But that is over now; I am not laboring under any stress or agony of a shared deadline, just my own pressures (which can be crushing).

I will miss the times spent with other writers, but I will enjoy the memories. Who knows, perhaps I will stay in contact with a few of them online. Two of them have blogs (one, two) and I think all of them have email. Time will tell.

I like living post-NaNo because I proved to myself (and I am my harshest judge, critic, jury, and executioner) that you can eat an elephant if you only eat it one bite at a time. Looking back I amazed myself. My usual critical self was locked in a closet and threatened within an inch of its life and I was free; I was free to write whatever I wanted to write no matter how bad I thought it was, and in the end I no longer thought it was bad. When I came across a spot that I did not know what to do with, not knowing how to comfortably get from once scene to the next, I told my critic to, “Shut-up!!” and simply made the transition happen. When the outline was getting stale I kept on writing and found new life hidden under some frond of a fern decorating the forest trail of my outline, and I was excited again. Indeed, this entire month was exhilerating, to the point that I cannot wait to start writing again (and I need to, I have weekly obligations with Promethean Logophile).

There is one thing I do not want to forget, something extremely surprising to me. There were two days that I managed to write out 5,000 words in a sitting/session (I didn't remain seated the entire time). I thought those two days would be the hardest days I would face. I went into those days completely dejected and defeated, convinced I would not do more than 3,000 words before losing interest and desperately wanting a break. I was wrong. I was right in the effect that I did want a break, but that was before I started writing, and I did want a break while I was writing, but that was probably due to my deprivation of fun. Those two days found me digging deeper into my story, pulling out more detail, and more interest on my part in my tale. I don't really want to have to do it again, it was not much fun spending an entire Sunday afternoon and evening writing and not resting for Monday's work activities, but knowing that I have enough interest in my story that prolonged exposure actually got me excited instead of tired, that is something I want to keep with me.

From here I still have a long journey ahead of me. I only completed five chapters (for a fun exercise, calculate the average length of my chapters) and am perhaps a third of the way through part one (oh dear, oh dear). It has been suggested that I write a trilogy instead of a novel, and I might have to do just that. I'm not sure what will be involved structurally speaking, but I do know I will have to add in more climaxes and some resolutions (and probably more sub plots so individual books can seem complete). As for my writing in general, I will contribute to the afore mentioned site as well as my blog (which as been sadly devoid of new content most of the month of November). I will keep this site around to jot down any further notes as they come to me, reflections of NaNo. I do not yet know if I will keep a writing blog or journal in general. I'm not sure if I will need one, but if I do, I will announce it here. I do plan on cleaning up my five chapters and releasing an eBook version, which I will announce or post here, so stay tuned.

“So long, and thanks for all the fish.”

P.S. I will take a least a week off to watch T.V. and movies, read books and magazines, and generally relax. Consider the sloth, for I will be he.

Characters

Oddly, my main character, Jory, is turning out to be more of an inquisitive three year old than a young man in his early twenties. I'm getting concerned that he is asking too many obvious, or simple, or just plain too many questions. It's as if I have designated him the tool by which I can explain how things work and function in the world without having to resort to narration. I like having characters explain the world so much more than simply narrating it. In some way it feels like I'm cheating when I just tell people how things work. In the real world we don't have the luxury of knowing all the ins and outs of a group of people unless we are a part of that group, so why should I tell my audience all about that group when none of my characters know anything about it? Where's the adventure, the suspense, the discovery, when a known villain challenges an unsuspecting hero? (Okay, so that sounded just pitiful. I'm trying to get to 50,000 words and I'm spending my time debating modes of conversation and writing tips.)

One thing I am rather anxious to find out is how the women characters will develop in the story and which one Jory would be more likely to ”hook up“ with. I want to have a bit of a romantic struggle in the story, and I had planned on Jory falling for the second woman, but it's almost looking like he'll have to fall for the first, given the way I have developed each of the personalities, and how they have already interacted. All of this makes me now understand what Tolkien, Lewis, and other authors have said regarding characters having a mind and a will all their own. It still sounds creepy, but I know what they mean more than I ever did before.

Very thankfully I have Friday off, so I can either recover from overeating, being sick, and/or catch up on my writing (followed by an all day write-in with the local crowd of stress-out NaNo authors). On a downside, I will probably have to work late tonight to compensate for Friday. At least I can sleep in tomorrow, and get a couple of days off from responsibility. If only I could finish this book (or at least reach the 50,000 word mark) I could really relax! :)

I am finding that when I know an entire progression, including the transitions from scene to scene, before I start writing, that when I do write I can write efficiently and with less energy. That means I need to spend more time up front, figuring out what I want to happen and how to get from one scene to the next, but it might be worth it (this is a note about how I would write without pressing deadlines).

If all goes well and I get my words in on time, I'll be “done” next Sunday! I'll still have many tens of thousands of words to finish my book, but I'll have beat NaNoWriMo!

With that said, I will still continue. I had to fire up iCal last night and put in my total word count goals on the days coming, since I can no longer just add 2,000 to my present count (and managing a deficit along with my goal is proving too much for my tired brain). The upshot is, if I maintain my goal I will finish over the Thanksgiving weekend. The other upshot is I'm just a hundred words or so behind the 1,700 daily goal. So, I guess things are not as bleak as they look, though for me, I am still 1,500 words behind, needing to pull out a magical 3,500 words today.

Honestly, I sometimes think there is more drama in my life this month (managing this silly project) than there is in my actual book.

I wish I could quit. I wish I could say, “I'll do it next week, but not this week,” but those kind of thoughts seem to always end up leading to things never getting done. So I will press on. Besides, I have come too far to quit now. I am half way to my goal. Now if I could just keep my eyes open . . . . Oh yes, I had some coffee before I left work (I hate the stuff) but it is having no effect. Makes me wonder if I'm getting sick or something.

I'm 866 words behind as of now, but it's bound to grow by tomorrow. It's too late to hit my goal for tonight, and I fear that will be my death knell.

I'm not sure if I should be terribly excited, ashamed, embarrassed, stunned, or a combination thereof. I'm on target as of this morning. I needed to be at 20,000 words by the time my head hit the pillow last night (to meet my own goals) and I hit it, exactly (so I wrote 25 more words for good measure). Looking back at yesterday, I was quite a handful to deal with, spewing words of frustration and fear at those who know me best, for I really thought I was going to remain behind. I was down 1,500 words, had a meeting, and then found out my in-laws were making a surprise visit from out of state and that's when all Hell broke loose. Despite, or maybe because of, the circumstances I made up my deficit and then pushed forward to complete my 2,000 word goal. I managed to write nearly 1,000 words on my lunch break (I've usually taken that time to just relax), wrote a few hundred at the meeting, and hacked out another 1,800 when I got home. (At times like this I can imagine my mother calling me "prolific".)

Observation

At the meeting last night, one of the few participating gentlemen complimented me on my diligence, having read some of this blog (hullo, hullo!) and I merely passed it off a "being lucky." As I later thought about that, I discovered it's true in some senses, but not really true at all. I too have been noticing that I am meeting my goals consistently (or making them up) and am well on my way to "winning". I really cannot say how I am doing it, or where I am finding the motivation to write, so I can only shrug my shoulders about my diligence and just say, "It happens". Even then I'm trying to figure out how and why, because I will not finish the book at 50,000 words, so I will need to continue writing well beyond the end of NaNoWriMo and the biggest challenge for me will be to maintain a good writing habit and finish the book.

If I have any "secrets" about my "success" it would be a few simple points:

1. I have nearly my entire book outlined, so I know where I am at, what happens next, and what I should be writing, at all times.
2. I flatly refuse to edit or proofread anything I write (until I am done).
   1. I refuse to accept edits, corrections, and changes on anything I write (until I am done).
3. I don't care how bad things sound, while I write them. I'm more concerned with getting the story done than with making it "pretty" (until I edit).

Maybe this will help some people, maybe it won't. This is what I have to do just to get the story told, for I am a perfectionist and would otherwise never finish the story (I've got a file folder full of these) because I would get stuck on a spot that was not good enough. Hopefully I will find that I can finish this book, then edit it and make it sing with a pleasing harmony, so my readers will stop gouging their eyes out.

Revelation

This will probably be my first and my last NaNoWriMo (though who can tell). I set out to see if I could first of write a book, second of all write 50,000 words in 30 days. I know the answer to those two questions already (though I should wait until I am done to see if my knowing was really knowing . . . I just love epistemology). The pace being set for me is too much. Too many pieces of my life are on hold, and I cannot sustain that for much longer than a month. There are things I want to do, people I want to visit with, and having to push everything aside just to write 2,000 words a night . . . there is not enough payoff in the end to make it worthwhile. One thing I will need to figure out, come December, is what pace is comfortable. I will say I am satisfied that I am writing and that it is going well, but I don't like seeing everything else around me begin to decay.

I have a meeting tonight, Saturday is swamped with activity, Fridays usually find me desiring rest from the week, and I'm already 1500 words behind. Maybe I'll catch a break or something.

The wonderful thing is I've begun to have fun. Some part of me now knows I will be able to exceed the 50,000 word goal, baring any unforeseen calamity. I've started to enjoy the writing process again, like when I was a kid. My mind is filling with visions of the scenes my characters find themselves in and I am like a tiny tot in a toy store, staring about me with wide eyes and eager to see, hear, and touch everything. I had nearly forgotten how much fun it can be to create such vistas in my mind, revel in them for a moment, then describe them in way that will [hopefully] convey the same mood to my audience.

If there is anything about my evening's writing that could be disappointing it would have to be the fact that I did not finish my chapter. I thought I would only have 2,000 words to finish out the chapter but I found it took me 2,000 words to get to the spot that will now take me between 1,000 and 2,000 words. This could very well mean that my second chapter is not paced properly, and that is something I am concerned about (but only when it is time to edit, because for now it means I'm going to finish NaNoWriMo with ease). My poor proofreaders will have to be the judge of my pacing, and if it is too slow I'll have to shift some conversations to appear later in the story.

I think I can rest happy now, and perhaps dream of the settings I so recently narrated. I only hope no one nor thing will distract and derail me.